This American Nutter: The Piney FIles

this week on craven, the husband and wife american nutter team:
IRA GLASS and ANAHEED ALANI.

Act Three: HUMAN SACRIFICE 

one two three four five six people, plus ANAHEED. that's how many (human) bites IRA GLASS' dog has to his credit.

this american life producer Nancy Updyke turned the tables and interviewed IRA GLASS about his "misunderstood" pit bulldog - PINEY.  

"I've known IRA for 17 years and nothing that IRA has ever done has raised more questions than PINEY." Nancy Updyke

the story of IRA, ANAHEED and PINEY has a classic beginning... "Once upon a time, ANAHEED had a dream that she had a dog named PINEY."

this is their story.

PINEY is 7 years old and for years, the staff at TAL has been doing double takes when they hear snippets of PINEY'S behavior and the behavior of IRA and ANAHEED. snippets like "PINEY can't walk near men on the street because if a man, any man looks him in the eye, he will attack him."

when PINEY gets anxious, he sometimes attacks people. so they give him valium to try and make his aggression more manageable. they muzzle PINEY when in public. and IRA and ANAHEED never have friends over because PINEY will try to attack any and all visitors.

GLASS explains that PINEY was a normal dog until ANAHEED took him to a wedding where he bit TWO children. it is important to note that PINEY is referred to as a puppy at that time. 

GLASS defends PINEY, claiming he only "nips", yet blood is drawn. the host insists if there is blood, it is a bite. IRA and Updyke debate the definition of nip. GLASS finally concedes to a compromise, "it's a bloody nip" while Updyke has a front row seat to pit nutter denial and minimization and realizes this is not an argument that she can win.

GLASS thinks of PINEY like the incredible hulk, "fundamentally good, just high strung". Updyke points out that PINEY goes hulk in ordinary life circumstances. for example, PINEY is regularly aggressive toward IRA in an effort to "protect" ANAHEED. PINEY has twice bitten the woman that he tries to protect from IRA.

the interview then moves into PINEY'S extensive health problems which manifests itself in the form of severe food allergies that requires rotating expensive, exotic meats. meats that are difficult to obtain.

it was only when GLASS was forced to take the subway for an hour one way to get PINEY'S special food that GLASS would feel resentment towards PINEY. the inconvenience of PINEY'S victims having to seek medical attention is completely lost on him.

Updyke asks what if any are the pleasures of owning PINEY. GLASS answers in classic narcissistic lion tamer fashion "It's really sweet to have this animal that trusts no one and is alone in this world except for us and he trusts us." he then blathers on about PINEY'S helplessness.

Updyke: "It's interesting that you consider him helpless though, since he lunges at you everyday. You see helplessness behind what other people see as aggression."

GLASS really does not have a clue that the rest of the world views him and ANAHEED as irresponsible and unbalanced.

as the interview comes to a conclusion, Updyke asks GLASS "what are you thinking as you make that face?"

GLASS: "I'm alarmed that you seemed to be after all this talk, that you don't seem at all convinced that what we're doing doesn't seem nuts. I mean I could understand it how it could seem that way before you heard me explain it but now that I have explained it, I feel that you should come over to my side." (IRA nervous laughter)

Updyke: "You are saying that you did everything right, so how could I be doing this so wrong?"  (more IRA nervous laughter)
 

you can listen to the entire interview HERE.

as jaw dropping as the IRA GLASS version of the PINEY FILES is, just wait until you see what ANAHEED ALANI can do.


Act Four: HUMAN STUPIDITY

3.19.09  I Don't Know. A Monster?

Before Piney, my husband had never had a pet in his life. Not even a goldfish. It would be hilarious that his first pet-owning experience is the worst dog in the world, if it weren’t tragic.

This conversation actually happened, last night.

My husband: So when I was out reporting this story, I went to these people’s house to interview them, and they had two dogs. A big dog and a little dog. The little dog yapped a little bit when I came in, but for the rest of the time, while I was interviewing this guy, the little dog was just busy getting peanut butter out of a Kong, and the big one was happily chewing a bone on the floor. Like, they weren’t bothered at all that I was there.

Me: Well, they’re dogs. That is what a normal dog is like.

Husband: Really? Wow.

Me: Yeah. That’s a dog.

Husband: Then what do we have? 

snack sized dog shot off a quick email to april 29, branwyne and myself alerting us to the subject of this week's show. i immediately checked TAL website but it was not yet available streaming on-line. i didn't waste anytime and went to work googling for photos and other information. i landed at a blog called The I Love My Bad Dog Blog. it wasn't until i read two blog posts that i realized, this blog was written by IRA GLASS' nutter wife ANAHEED ALANI! she blogs under the handle Piney Marley Hussein Glass-Alani. her blog description:

When Piney came to live with us, we didn't know that within a couple of years he would flourish into the allergic-to-everything, IBD-having, aggressive-to-strangers little hellhound that he is today. He enjoys fetch, chewing and meat. His favorite color is red. His lucky number is 3. Nickname: Down Payment on an Apartment.

after just a few blog posts about her human aggressive pit bull (you know, the ones that the dogmen culled) ALANI began to receive emails expressing concern about taking her very human aggressive pit bull's behavior very public. ALANI decided to blog about that email exchange. ALANI got on her pit bull soapbox and spouted off a lot of the same propaganda we are used to hearing: pit bulls are misunderstood, affectionate, intuitive, gentle, yadda yadda yadda but what i found most interesting was the pit bull chat woman did not encourage them to dirt nap PINEY, she just didn't want them to talk publicly about PINEY'S aggression.

but the self absorbed princess would not allow others to poop on her entitlement parade. reading her blog, i pretty quickly realized that is a reoccuring theme for the passive aggressive princess who admits that she is conflict avoidant but acts out in covertly aggressive ways with her small audience of dedicated readers encouraging her on.

10.21.09  Good, Bad, Bad, Bad
I got to D Is for Doggy they told me that he had nipped one of their employees—a new guy that he’d never met. And I had JUST finished telling Jolanta that Piney has never acted aggressive at day care, thank god, because without day care I don’t know if we could even keep Piney. It’s not like we can just hire a random dog walker to risk their life walking into our apartment.

The other crap thing is that this morning when we encountered the loitering workers from across the street on our front stoop, I asked them to get out of the way, as usual, and one of them muttered under his breath, “pain in the ass.” Yeah, you know what else is a pain in the ass? Having my dog spaz out every morning because there are strange men in uniform smoking on our front stoop. If it’s SUCH a pain in the ass, maybe you would like to not move out of the way very briefly while you are illegally loitering while drinking your morning coffee, and I will maybe forget to put on my dog’s muzzle that morning.

Not really. But in my dreams, really really.

there is a history of ANAHEED'S dreams coming true.

a lot of ALANI'S blogs are just plain boring but i have a few favorites. like, not ONE but TWO tickets for violating the leash law with their human aggressive pit bulldog. the pit bull princess proudly posted one ticket on her blog, note that the arrogant humans refused to sign the ticket.

and
11.11.09 Piney growled at Ira again this morning when Ira was only near, not in, the bedroom. And when I touched his stomach shortly after that he winced a little. Things are getting worse, not better. I am currently researching Constructional Aggression Treatment and ordering some Oxycodone from the pharmacy. Last night a dear friend told me he doesn’t understand why anyone would keep a dog like ours. And right now I’m wondering how much longer we’ll be able to. 

on 9.17.10 ANAHEED gushes over an article written by PINEY'S trainer about what is like living with a difficult dog. "I have never felt so understood."
Yet life with a difficult dog has its satisfactions, too. If you’re actively working on her behavior, every step forward brings a sense of accomplishment and joy.  JOLANTA BENAL

ANAHEED, you want a sense of accomplishment? MASTER PILATES! and if you need to live on the edge in your pursuit of joy, then CLIMB Mt EVEREST!

there are a few more worthy reads - and take note of the commenters who gush over the couple's awesomeness and sacrifice, that further fuel IRA'S and ANAHEED'S pathological need for admiration and recognition.

Is it possible for Sane people to live this way?

Piney growled at Ira again

Piney aggresses towards Ira for walking towards dingbat, dingbat makes excuses

Another Day, Another Bad Behavior

Piney Antisocial

Further Down the Shame Hole

The Quality of Life Report

Reality Check

Train Thyself

D-Bag Report

here's PINEY snuggling with one of his daycare providers with ears back and full on reptilian stare. i don't know about you but that is body language that i don't want to be anywhere near.

more pics of PUKEY can be viewed HERE where the daycare providers pander to the celebrities and their celebrity mutant.