word has it that the little man's $500K gripper has succumbed to target practice.
Originally published on January 16, 2014
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANDY JOE CORNWALL!
today RANDY JOE CORNWALL turns 47.
who is RANDY JOE CORNWALL?
i'm so glad you asked.
RANDY JOE CORNWALL is the next up and coming celebrity pit grifter in columbia, mississippi. yep, he is developing quite a sweet little gig down there. he's got his very special pack o' grippers (lil pimpin, sassy and preshus, there was a fourth - bay bay - but without explanation she mysteriously dropped out of the picture. hmmm), rotating fosters and lots of adoring female fans. more importantly, RANDY JOE CORNWALL has TIME. lots and lots of time. well, at least until August 12, 2015.
what's so special about August 12, 2015?
i'm so glad you asked!
August 12, 2015 is when RANDY JOE CORNWALL completes his 2 year house arrest sentence.
HOUSE ARREST?! why?
i'm so glad you asked.
Felony DUI. i haven't been able to nail down the specifics, like was this his first, second, or third DUI or if he injured or killed anyone but two years of house arrest for a first time offender seems uncharacteristically excessive, unless of course there was an injured party.
but, but craven, of all of the callous, dishonest, shameless, immoral, misfits, failures and miscreant nutters, why focus on RANDY JOE CORNWALL?
i'm so glad you asked!
let's just say it was a PERFECT STORM.
remember Tanya Barnes? she was visiting a friend when her face was gripped by one of the friend's ugly dogs. the dog was SASSY and the "friend" was RANDY JOE CORNWALL. you've heard the tragic story of Tanya, think you are ready for the story of RANDY JOE the professional pit bull advocate?
|RANDY JOE CORNWALL and SASSY the man biter|
once upon a time, there was a putrid 5'6" 125# little man squatting on a piece of dirt in southern mississippi. he seemed to have trouble with relationships and willfully chose his mutants and backyard pit bull breeding operation over his wives, girlfriends and friends. one day a kind hearted friend was severely disfigured when she took pity on him and paid him a visit. a week later, the prosecutors elected not to press charges against the putrid little man because he did not "deliberately sic the pit on her". and one week later again, the man biter's life was spared. the putrid little man was elated because he got back the things that really mattered to him, his alter ego.
RANDY created a facebook page less than one month after the savage mauling of Tanya. it was slow going at first, pretty much just RANDY talking to himself. things began to pick up a bit with close friends and family. on a good day, he posted 1-2 comments and on a really good day, someone noticed. his comments typically consisted of peddling his backyard bred man biters, boasting about his mutant's fighting prowess, complaining of boredom, lusting for alcohol, trolling for white slavery, pontificating on his theory about how the pizza man coming to the door is proof that pit bulls are safe, whining about how difficult it is to sleep because of the pain and other mindless misspelled babble.
just for kicks i'd like to chart RANDY JOE CORNWALL'S painful sleepless nights and compare them to Tanya's.
then something magical happened in august 2013 and RANDY JOE CORNWALL started to become popular.
he quickly became bored stuck at home with nothing to do but play with his man biters, feed his snakes, take reptilian selfies, and surf the internet. snakes only eat every few days and what is the fun of having pit bulls if you can not go out and terrorize the public. in need of beer money, bored and tired of looking at himself, because he admits that even he doesn't like himself, he decided he needed a hobby for the next two years. RANDY JOE CORNWALL discovered pit bull rescue.
it was fascinating reading his facebook page from its origin to today. having a ringside seat to the transmogrification of RANDY JOE was an experience that i'd do again in a heart beat, even though it was time consuming. his lingo shifted from pit bulls to pibbles and from backyard breeding to rescuing and adopting. by january 1st, the day i first visited his page, he was getting hammered with up to two dozen hits per day on his personal facebook page and countless hits on the pit bull propaganda pages he created.
|can ya here me now?|
RANDY JOE was no longer alone. the internet is seductive and always a willing 24/7 listener. there were countless damaged overemotional women at the ready to stroke his fragile ego and melt from his "kind sexy eyes".
when RANDY JOE is feeling down in the dumps and bad about himself, which i suspect is a reoccurring theme in his life, he changes his profile photo and makes self deprecating remarks to elicit pity and flattery. and predictably, his harem of hybristophiliacs come to the rescue, swooning over the reptilian stare.
laying the groundwork for the long con.
and testing the waters by dropping hints.
the walk of shame through the gallery of callousness.
this is not a dramatization. these are ACTUAL pit bull propaganda posters from RANDY JOE CORNWALL'S personal facebook page and every single one of them were posted almost 3 years AFTER his ugly mutant savaged Tanya Barne's face:
contrast RANDY JOE'S psychopathic fantasy world about his precious pit bulls and pibbles with HIS reality:
the argument "it's all how they are raised" doesn't fly in this instance. RANDY JOE CORNWALL loves his pit bulls in word and deed.
and it's true. you can see the love in the photos, not just his words. his pit bulls are loved and well cared for. they live inside the house as FAMILY members, they get plenty of exercise and plenty of food (maybe a little too much food) and STILL, one of them latched onto the face of a woman who did nothing more than sit on the sofa.
seriously RANDY, since you "have it all", including your face, how about you sign over that nice truck to your victim?
in RANDY JOE'S new role as pibble philanthropist, he would occasionally encounter criticism for ear cropping and tail docking from his new tribe. at one point, he had a temper tantrum which i captured below. funny but i don't think i saw one single rescue angel make a peep about not taking a knife to those testicles.
cuz ya know, RANDY JOE is all about spay & neuter. bwa-hahahaha. he sure has these over emotional women bamboozled and eating right out of his hand or should i say from those kind sexy reptilian eyes.
"everyone" is a bit of an exaggeration there little man. Tanya sure ain't smiling.
RANDY JOE projects an image of professionalism on linkedin but i dare ya to scratch the surface...
careful ladies, the last time a puppy squealed, there was hell to pay. eighteen months after SASSY rearranged Tanya's face and here is RANDY JOE minimizing the danger. i wonder if these two have a clue as to what happened to Tanya when she sat on that sofa? i wonder if they care? RANDY JOE CORNWALL doesn't seem to.
RANDY JOE CORNWALL i call this "vicious".
the RANDY JOE fan club has nary a clue about the dangers his mutants pose and i suspect they are clueless about his current home incarceration or his goal to turn pit bull advocacy into his personal income generator.
this is a screenshot from a video uploaded to RANDY JOE'S facebook page of a female throwing the ball for his unfenced pit bulls, one of which mauled Tanya Barnes. note RANDY JOE'S comment about his dogs will only "LICK LICK LICK" you. this comment was made 3 years and 4 months after the savage mauling of Tanya.
the $500,000 thirty second mauling of Tanya Barnes
No Dirt Nap for Ugly
No Criminal Charges for the Putrid Little Man
Pit Bulls & Pibbles
I'm a Pit Bull Lover So Kiss My Ass
funny thing about this scathing blog post, his harem of damaged rescue angels will likely rally around poor misunderstood RANDY JOE and my "defamatory" manifesto will likely serve to only cement the sick bond between them further. did i just do RANDY a favor? lol!