Monday, June 29, 2015

High Conflict People Part 2: Negative Advocates

High conflict people (HCPs), or people who fall within the spectrum of the cluster B personality disorders, have a life long pattern of blaming others. One of their preferred dysfunctional tools is emotional reasoning, assuming facts from feelings. Emotional facts are emotionally generated false information that are accepted as true and appear to require emergency corrective action. According to Bill Eddy, there are three types of emotional facts: 1) real facts that have been exaggerated, 2) real facts that have been taken out-of-context and 3) non-existent facts based on the worse fears of the HCP (high conflict person).

Eddy sees the pain of the cluster B personality disordered people as fear driven. He distills each of the four cluster B types down to a single, basic driving fear. Those suffering from anti-social personality disorder, the sociopaths, fear being dominated. The narcissists fear inferiority. The borderlines fear abandonment. And the histrionics fear being ignored.

Eddy approaches the cluster B personalities with a great deal of compassion, much, much more than I am typically able to muster. His compassion for their fear and pain is admirable. I love his books. They are concise, easy to read and he provides much needed attention to the histrionic variant, the type most authors and researchers ignore.

Here is another excerpt from one of my favorite books, High Conflict People in Legal Disputes. It completes the foundation and sets the stage for High Conflict People Part 3.
High-conflict personalities don’t get very far unless they persuade others to adopt their cognitive distortions and assist in their interpersonal battles. In substance-abuse treatment, we call these persons “enablers”. They enable the abuser to stay stuck in negative behavior, negative thinking and avoidance of responsibility. I use the term “negative advocate” for enablers in legal disputes, because the adversarial process relies so heavily on professional and non-professional advocates. Enablers–often inadvertently–advocate for the cognitive distortions and negative behavior of HCPs.

High-conflict disputes don’t occur without one or more negative advocates–at least I’ve never seen it happen. On their own, most HCPs lack credibility. They seek negative advocates to justify their misbehavior and misconceptions, and to assist them in blaming others for their life problems–to advocate for them.

Negative advocates are those family members, friends, mental health professionals and legal professionals who try to help but get it backwards–they adopt or agree with the HCP’s backward thinking. They become persuaded–especially by Cluster B persuasive blamers–to focus all their attention on other people’s alleged misbehavior. They help the HCP to avoid responsibility and hold others responsible for their own problems and behavior. They agree with and advocate for, the cognitive distortions of HCPs: their all-or-nothing thinking, emotional reasoning, personalizing events, exaggerating minor (or non-existent) events and minimizing their own major misbehaviors. Negative advocates help HCPs stay sick.

Negative advocates absorb the high-intensity emotions of the HCP and often enhance them to a higher level of urgency–they amplify their distorted thinking and join in generating emotional facts. They have adopted the HCP’s process of emotional reasoning. If family members, friends and professionals would become more skeptical and avoid becoming negative advocates, high-conflict disputes would significantly reduce the pressure on our legal system.

The HCP’s emotional drive persuades them there is a crisis, so the negative advocate picks up that sense of crisis and also becomes emotional and aggressive in defending the HCP. However, the negative advocate usually has more credibility, and therefore is more able to persuade others. It’s the domino theory of negative advocates. In some cases, negative advocates are able to persuade a lot of other people to become negative advocates.

Bill Eddy, High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, 2012

My initial plans consisted of just a part 2 but I realized it would be better if it was broken up into three parts. I will complete the trilogy with High Conflict People Part 3 soon. Estimated publish date: July 4th. In the meantime, I hope you will click on the above link and purchase one of my all time favorite books. It is money well-spent.


High Conflict People Part 1

High Conflict People Part 3



44 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hmm I'm pretty sure I have HC traits myself, or rather I have a lot of psychopathic traits...
Is there any way to fix them? Or am I doomed?

Anonymous said...

I have a high conflict person in my life. I, for the most part, have removed this person from my life. Unfortunately, I had to share the same space Saturday with this person because a family member died. I made one comment to this person, even though I told myself NOT TO TALK TO HER, it slipped out. Now I am getting told that I need to stop the fighting. All I said was, "You're leaving tire tracks all over the place." This HCP family member is using a walker, because she had hernia surgery 17 days ago. Why a walker is necessary is beyond me. The response I got was, "What am I supposed to do? I can't help it!" I walked away making a puh sound, and left it at that. 3 days later, I get the email.

This particular HCP also had a pit bull once. Go figure!

BAM

Packhorse said...

Next time you see a celebrity going pit nutter, keep in mind this ever-growing list of famous people who oppose vaccines:

http://jezebel.com/heres-a-fairly-comprehensive-list-of-anti-vaccination-c-1714760128

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

this comment was left on the service dog blog post. i thought it belonged here as well.

I have a certified pit bull service dog, CGC and CGCA certified as well. She is five and never had an incident, although she hates escalators, they bother her feet. I have health certs, a letter from my doctor and a copy of my military and SSA papers showing my 100% disability rating, which are not recognizable by just looking at me. Anytime I need a little extra money I go find a trashy 7-11 store and the stinky little manager yells at me in broken English. So I let him kick me out, I am very polite, I record everything and when the cops arrive I get a copy of the report. It is nice to have a little bonus once a year. I am legal, and don't even have to work anymore because ignorant folks think my pit bull is a fake SD. Wrong!!!

Respectfully,
Josey W.
Daytona Beach

Your Quiet Neighbor said...

Josey, I am SO thrilled to know that you're living large on our tax dollars. And, yes, your pit bull is a fake SD.

Anonymous said...


I oppose vaccination as well.

Why should we be forced to vaccinate ourselves?
If the vaccines were effective then the unvaccinated children are no risk to the vaccinated ones.

If the vaccines are ineffective then why should we be forced to have them?

We're allowed to kill ourselves with alcohol, cigarettes, dangerous dogs, extreme sports, processed food, unnecessary prescribed drugs and we're not allowed to choose to take our chances with nature? Seems hypocritical to me.

Anonymous said...

Josey, I am impressed that someone with 100% disability has the mental and physical energy to exploit every 7-11 within staggering distance, and that no “stinky little manager" has discovered your subterfuge. Surely the speakers of “broken English" all inhabit the same tenement? You must be quite fearsomely infamous. Odd, too, that the 7-11 corporation has failed to notice your name repeatedly appearing in spurious lawsuits. But, as your pit bull is apparently the brains of the operation, if nothing else, that would make you the thug. Oh, how you do complement each other. You have confirmed the destruction and nastiness and perverse cruelty the rest of us see in pits and thier self- serving and callous followers

Anonymous said...

Vaccination Anon,

There are segments of the population that CANNOT get vaccinations. Those are the people we're trying to protect by vaccinating everyone else. It's because of insane people like you that are causing outbreaks of diseases that were once under control. Even adults that have had vaccinations can get measles, if they're not up-to-date. But yes, it's totally hypocritical to go against nature. Getting sick, being permanently disabled, or dying is a better option.

BAM

Anonymous said...

Ah c'mon BAM, we're not here to bash anti-vaxxers. Why would the regime be afraid of a few unvaccinated individuals? If vaccination of the masses was effective, it wouldn't matter, would it?

Anonymous said...

Anon-anti-vax troll -

Go read about the science of 'herd immunity' and ask those scientists your questions and stop baiting the folks here.

Anonymous said...

To the pro-Vaccination poster:

Which segment of the population are you talking about? Who exactly is unable to be vaccinated?

Vaccination (as far as I'm aware) is free in your country so anyone that WANTS to be vaccinated, is able to be vaccinated.

If you area talking about people in 3rd world countries then vaccinating everyone in America will not save them in their country.

Why should someone be vaccinated to protect someone else? If that someone else wants to be protected they should vaccinate themselves.

It's immigrants from 3rd world countries and visitors to 3rd world countries that bring "old" "previously eradicated" diseases back to the developed world. Disease doesn't spontaneously generate itself from nowhere.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but you'll have to google the information on the segment of the population of America that cannot be vaccinated. If you're so smart, you should be able to do that. I almost can't believe you don't already know this information, since you're so educated and stuff. And yes, everything is free in America.

BAM

P.S. Please do us all a favor and continue to avoid getting vaccinated. You're doing all of us a favor. Thank you!

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

"And yes, everything is free in America."

especially health care.

Anonymous said...

Ironic entry considering your entire blog is one emotional-based argument.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

i am a psychopath, i have no emotion.

The dude abides said...

@anon 9:15 said:

"Ironic entry considering your entire blog is one emotional-based argument."

LOL, I don't think this phrase means what you think it means. This blog is all about cold hard facts.

Anonymous said...

Anon 9:15

Please, give an example of an emotional-based argument from this blog.

*waits*

BAM

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

i love it when nutters comment. i wish they would not bury their stellar insights in old blog posts.

Anonymous said...

Hey would like to say I have a family of 5. 2 of which are APBT and they would gladly give their life to protect me my wife and my 2 little girls. And I would be more than willing to do the same for them. I think all of you on this page is a bunch of self minded dumbasses. Yes there are some fucktards that still use the APBT or (game dogs) as you simpletons like to referee to them as for their own sick enjoyment of fighting. Y'all won't to point the finger at the breed and not the owners. Ever wonder why they chose the APBT for fighting? Because of their loyalty obedience and the strong will to please their owners. So for all you simpletons try lashing out at the owners not the breed oh and for halls information the APBT is not the #1 dog bitter in the US do some research next time before you step off into shit you know nothing about til next time go choke on a dick and always remember IF IT AINT A PIT THEN IT AINT SHIT
July 23, 2015 at 7:08 PM

TheKyrist said...

psh. Pitbulls ruined my golden. He's been attacked 4 times on leash while not even paying attention to them. Now he's nervous around other dogs (doesn't attack) paid a lot of money to help him too, but he may not be able to come back from the attacks. He may actually have ptsd. It doesn't help that we have a pit bull next door that lounges and growls at him overtime she sees him. Luckily he's awesome around small dogs and puppies but he's nervous around bigger dogs, he used to be totally comfortable around them too. But the few pit owners I know say "don't blame the breed" even though their own dogs have attacked other dogs out of the blue. They even said its my dogs fault for being a "coward", umm these pits came out of nowhere. Thanks for screwing up my previously happy go lucky dog who is now even nervous to leave his neighborhood because of the pits who try to tear through the fence to get at him. But no, don't blame the breed who attacked a dog who was completely minding hospital own business. No, don't blame the breed who cost me thousands in medical bills, who after beating their dog off mine, a dog strong enough to tear the leash from his owners hand, ran away, but no, don't blame the breed, a dog who tore halfway across a two acre park to go for my submissive dog who tried to lay down and submit, but still attacked him, no don't blame the breed. At least seven different pits in nice neighborhoods literally biting, snarling and trying to tear the fence down to get at my golden (who is focused on me and not those mutants) no, don't blame the breed. The pit who went for my pup as he was walking tiredly BEHIND me and the owner had to choke it out to get it off a 13 WEEK puppy, no don't blame the breed. I am sick of these sociopaths, and am dealing with the consequences of living around them with a normal, friendly dog who is now fearful of ALL large dogs (was just pits) because of these assholes who think its ok to have fighting breeds. Luckily my dog won't actually attack, but gets very nervous. They literally destroyed all the careful socialization I did with my buddy and its a damn shame. Why should me and my dog have to suffer while ON LEASH out for a nice walk. Jee I wonder why my dog don't want to go for walks anymore? STOP breeding the damn things. Sry, one of the few safe places to rant. But the fact that a close family member (pitnutter) said it was because he was too p+++y to defend himself as a reason absolutely makes me wonder at the mental state of these idiots. Luckily my pup seems to be making a recovery mentally. But it will be a long process before he's totally trusting of bigger dogs over 40lbs and even longer for anthing that even looks like a pit. He's coming along and I am hopeful though.

Anonymous said...

I always enjoy the way they become increasingly incoherent as they sputter out thier rote scripture.
Here's to you, Daddy-O, and your family of 5.2.

A Pit, that ain't shit
Festive as a nice kebab
Or turning on a backyard spit
Don't try that now with no other dog
Y'all do that recipe like it's been writ.

No need to choke on underdone dick
A Family's safe with well-barbecued prick
And so gladly a pit bull ascended to Heaven
So Brandy and Crystal can glut themselves sick
Dumbass,give me a fork, let's say our grace quick.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

nice tribute to daddy-o. i hope he reads it. maybe i should copy and paste it into the post that he commented on.



"a close family member (pitnutter) said it was because he was too p+++y to defend himself as a reason absolutely makes me wonder at the mental state of these idiots."

i am very sorry to hear about your golden. i would be shocked if your dog did not have PTSD and with four attacks, i would be even more shocked if he fully covered. but conserve your mental energy in regards to wondering about their mental states and direct it on you and your dog. there is absolutely no reason to waste precious resources wondering about their mental states. i mean just look a that idiot's comment again. this idiot thinks that dogmen CHOSE these ugly mutants for fighting.


Anonymous said...

To Anonymous 5:22 AM:

Check this out for a good laugh...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHiQm55ZQ6s

Anonymous said...

Daddy-O says he has a family of five, two of which are shit bulls. This is a math problem kids! How many members in Daddy-O's family?

Daddy-O, his baby mama, his two precious little girls, and two shit bulls.

One, plus one, plus two, plus two, equals FIVE! That's right boys and girls!

I like to "referee" to pit bulls as shit bulls. That means I run around blowing a whistle when they make a bad play.

I "won't" to point the finger at the owners and the breed.

For "halls" information APBT is not the #1 dog "bitter."

APBT might not be the #1 dog bitter, but shit bulls are definitely the #1 dog biter.

I am going to get off of my high horse now, go educate myself, learn some math, do some research, step in shit, and choke on a dick. I have much to do.

Thanks Daddy-O!

BAM

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

lol bam

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

re: youtube video, holy cow. i can hear the nutters sobbing from here.

facebook/change.org/care2 pages in 3...2...1...

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

meanwhile...

our hatred of pit bulls continues to explode around the globe.

Anonymous said...

So pits savage our pets out of loyalty obedience and a strong will to please their owner? Our dogs who are shit because they ain't pit? Do you understand how telling your repugnant and ludicrous remark is? By the way, my sister, years ago, had an Airedale, and was out for a walk when a loose pit lunged up at her dog, growling, it's head low. The Airedale had never threatened another creature in his 8 years as a family pet; seconds later the pit was on it's back, kicking like a rabbit, pinned there till a fat woman in a stained muu-muu lumbered up to rescue it. The Airedale released immediately and the pit returned unharmed to it's squalor. Now ain't that some shiny shit?

Animal Uncontrol said...

Pit bulls may be the #1 bitter, but throw about 1/4 cup of maple syrup into that stew and they are as sweet as can be.

TheKyrist said...

You are right, it was more of a rant. They do think he may have PTSD, but we are waiting to be sure. He has been doing good with a few more mellow dogs and is coming along a bit. Even played with a few dogs (he's been too nervous to do that before). He is still stressed and scared but is doing ok. It just sucks when good dog owners take the time to carefully train and socialize their dogs and abide by the laws and pit owners destroy it. He's still wonderful with children, he absolutely loves it when the neighbors girls play fetch with him. Its just a shame. I even have to put him on med to calm him because he's afraid to leave our block (we literally have pits here climbing the fence and trying to tear through, and attack each other when they can't get to him, the fences here usually come to the sidewalk) Luckily he is trained to ignore them but he is nervous. I carry a knife and dog pepper spray, the spray don't work with pits. But I am sure many people are going through the same thing. And its infuriating. Hopefully he can get through this, but I don't think at this point (and neither does the trainer) that he will ever be completely at ease. Thank you for the kind words. If you ever want to do a post about pit attacks on other dogs I still have pics of my dog with stitches and staples in his belly just message me. I think what you are doing is both very brave and awesome. Thank you for the kind words, once again sorry for the rant. I think more dog owners need to be aware, I don't know ONE who does not have a story of a pit attack, and I do not think they realize how devastating it can be both physically andmentally to normal, submissive dogs.

TheKyrist said...

Yeah, you should hear my sis "its because your dog got scared". Its never the breed. Sorry about your sisters airdale, that's a scary situation.

Соня Мармеладова said...

@Scurrilous 12:09

I am shaking with rage after watching the mutant savage that poor little dog again and again, and the depraved indifference of the useless pit bull owner.

I hope you've saved a copy.

Anonymous said...

The other day there was an attack in MN where a construction worker had to choke a pit off of an old man who was trying to save his little dog. (Little dog died, unfortunately) but the silver lining in this was that on a local news article about the incident, the nutters were outnumbered about 3 to 1 and it seems like maybe "deed not breed" is finally starting to be recognizes as the lie it is.

To the person with the Retrirver- that is heartbreaking and made me so angry to read. I would not blame you if you started to carry a weapon. And eff your nutter relative.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

that's a generous offer kryst. would you like to write something up to accompany the photos?

Pibble said...

Save this one before it gets pulled: https://www.reddit.com/r/dogs/comments/3ezeoy/updatehelpim_afraid_of_my_pit_bull/

It's hilarious how many people are falling all over themselves to speculate that pittie had a brain tumor because aggressive behavior is just so uncharacteristic for this breed!

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

nutter would rather the vicious mutant be dirtnapped in the loving hands of his vet. his vet will be thrilled.

lol. good stuff. thanks pibble.

Anonymous said...

For a good laugh, go to the Craven Desires “complaints board" and read about Lisa Camuso's encounter with our group. She seems to be unaware that anyone can go read it for themselves..
Also spells her favorite misconception “defamitory"'. .... Odd for a pretend lawyer

Anonymous said...

OMG! LISA CAMUSO! The one who will debate truths and facts, but really name calls and belittles! There's no actual debate, yet she declares victory, then leaves!

A complaints board? Where?

Jake said...

OK @anon 10:40 I'll play along. The search widget at the top of the blog didn't turn up anything relating to a "complaints board" - so, could you humor me, and pretend for a moment that I am not familiar with all the insider knowledge assumed in your comment?

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

HERE

Jake said...

Ah, thanks for the link, scurrilous amateur blogger. That's pretty pitiful. He must be freaking out by now, as it's been well over 4 years.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately for all those aggrieved slandered nutters out there, there are statutes of limitations. The other thing that cracks me up, slander is spoken.

Lisa Camuso is a liar! No one made threats or gave out her address. WOW! She's basically accusing Craven of doing what nutters do. That's why they want Craven's identity.

BAM

Anonymous said...

Yesterday, my husband yelled into the house that a dog was in our garage. Great, I have a dog, and another dog is visiting. I went to the garage to see the dog, and to my utter dismay, I said, "That's a pit bull." My husband had it by the collar, and I told him to put it in the back yard. Then I thought that was a terrible idea because it would probably escape. I went in the house and grabbed a leash.

I called the police non-emergency #. They tried transferring me to AC, but they hung up 3 times. The police came and picked up the pit bull. It had NO TAGS so there was no other recourse. One of the officers returned my leash after they transferred the pit bull to AC. Then my doorbell rings. It's the owner of the pit bull. It turns out, the pit bull might be moving in across the street from me. GREAT!

BAM

TheKyrist said...

I will give it a go and compile something, I know so many dog owners who have stories, and hopefully still have the pics. I can snoop a bit. I personally do not know one dog owner who has not had thiere dog attacked by a pit at some point. Its really sad. My boy has been doing much better, and is almost ready to be introduced to a small group of dogs who are polite. But I will not do that till I'm sure he is ready. Its sad because I know a few other peoes dogs (even little guys) who are socializing thiwr dogs due to the same pit attack circumstances as me. Its a dam shame when since we all took a lot of care when they were young. The count for idiot pit owners sneaking thiwr dogs into the apartment complex is now at at leash 7. I guess its since its so dog friendly and has a dog park. I feel bad for the people with the lot dogs, they all complain too. They have to be REALLY careful and when apartment management is called they are suddenly emotional support dogs. I guess that would be a good point to add too.

TheKyrist said...

Thank you, I only carry it because it is necessary though. I'm a vegan and even I and a lot of other vegan are against pits, that REALLY says something. Pepper spray does not work on pits so I carry a knife now. I almost feel bad for the breed because they are just following thiere genetic instinct. They really should do the kind thing and let them die out. Some are great with people and I know a cold one (a real mutt of a pit judging on confirmation) who is even nice with dogs. But it really needs to end. Rotts do not even come close to dog bite related deaths on people. That says a lot.