Thursday, August 14, 2014

how about a nice warm craven welcome for The Filthy Critic


How to Train Your Dragon 2

Apparently dragons are like dogs. A lot like dogs. That’s what I got out of How to Train Your Dragon 2. Also, I heard a version of the simplistic message propagated by pitbull owners: there are no bad dragons, just bad owners. That’s exactly what that meth girl with cornrow hair screamed at me when I pulled her pitbull’s stubby ears to get it to stop ripping the flesh from my leg.

Never mind that I had a dead perch I found by the pond in my pocket (I was going to see if I could bring it back to life with a 9-volt battery - I didn't so I will try a 12-volt). That’s not the point and it confuses the narrative. The point is that pitbull owners always say this, and it may be true. But most of them don’t have the objective faculties to know whether they’re good or bad at owning a dog. They think love conquers all and that dogs, by virtue of being stupid, can’t be mean. None of these people sit at home, burning holes into their dogs with a hot fire poker and think, “Man, I’m bad with animals.” They largely try to compensate for their inadequacy with humans by telling themselves they’re great with animals.

Thanks to How to Train Your Dragon 2, we’re about to have an epidemic of kids getting eaten by ugly dogs covered in scars. I mean, tens of thousand of kids, maybe millions, all who thought the owner with the Insane Clown Posse tattoo and all those scabs on his face was a good person. Our parks are going to be a bloodbath. Worse, we’re about to hear pitbull owners repeat this mantra ad nauseum with a Hollywood kids’ movie as their reference.

read the rest of The Filthy Critic's review HERE.



i love this guy!



6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but that line didn't originate with HTTYD. If Mary Twelveponies used a derivative of it in the early '80's (no problemed horses, only problemed riders), which came directly from Barbara Woodhouse's "No Bad Dogs".

The author's probably right in that the video version pushed the message out to the illiterate masses.

(I still blame Barbara Woodhouse, however).

creepy craven said...

a pit bull that attacks is living up to its full genetic potential and by that definition, it IS a good dog.

Mom in Eugene said...

He is marvelous! Love the part about the perch, btw. Thanks for turning me on to him.

And yes, a pit that attacks and kills its opponents is a GREAT pit bull! Back in the day, that would have been only ONE of the necessary fright to be registered as a real pit bull!

snack sized dog said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! He's hilarious and he's pegged these infantile nutters.

Anonymous said...

Most people believe the line that pitbulls only fight because their owners want them too and they will do anything for their owners.

I was speaking to a friend about a group of pitbulls that were removed from a property where fighting was taking place. I said the dogs should be euthanised and she said "but they might not have been trained to fight yet".

Trained? Do people think that the dog men sit there with treats going "good boy killer, get that dog, bite it's head, good boy! Have a treat!" or something?

Training consists of throwing the dog in a pit with another dog and letting them do what their genetics tells them to. The only training I can think of that they could do is muscle training to make the dog stronger. Otherwise it's just genetics and experience in the pit.

sock puppet said...

the "training" pit bulls experience is in the form of conditioning, ie running on a treadmill or jenni to enhance endurance. they will either fight or they won't. has nothing to do with training. idiots.