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How to Train Your Dragon 2

Apparently dragons are like dogs. A lot like dogs. That’s what I got out of How to Train Your Dragon 2. Also, I heard a version of the simplistic message propagated by pitbull owners: there are no bad dragons, just bad owners. That’s exactly what that meth girl with cornrow hair screamed at me when I pulled her pitbull’s stubby ears to get it to stop ripping the flesh from my leg.

Never mind that I had a dead perch I found by the pond in my pocket (I was going to see if I could bring it back to life with a 9-volt battery - I didn't so I will try a 12-volt). That’s not the point and it confuses the narrative. The point is that pitbull owners always say this, and it may be true. But most of them don’t have the objective faculties to know whether they’re good or bad at owning a dog. They think love conquers all and that dogs, by virtue of being stupid, can’t be mean. None of these people sit at home, burning holes into their dogs with a hot fire poker and think, “Man, I’m bad with animals.” They largely try to compensate for their inadequacy with humans by telling themselves they’re great with animals.

Thanks to How to Train Your Dragon 2, we’re about to have an epidemic of kids getting eaten by ugly dogs covered in scars. I mean, tens of thousand of kids, maybe millions, all who thought the owner with the Insane Clown Posse tattoo and all those scabs on his face was a good person. Our parks are going to be a bloodbath. Worse, we’re about to hear pitbull owners repeat this mantra ad nauseum with a Hollywood kids’ movie as their reference.

read the rest of The Filthy Critic's review HERE.



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