Wednesday, September 12, 2012

craven mail bag: the patent pending edition

Dear Dawn,

This morning while on a ladder in my home WHILE in the presence of THREE POMERANIANS I suddenly realized that my life could be in peril if I were to tumble off of it. After all I have heard the story thousands of times about the Pomeranian human fatality.

It was at that time I realized that as a responsible Pomeranian owner I should market some Pomeranian breaksticks and advise all Pomeranian owners to keep one in every room of the house and while out with their dogs.

I would propose that all the proceeds from the sales of these Pom breaksticks be used for future Pomeranian Legal Defense cases.

I have attached some photos that show the product and demonstrates how to use it properly on a Pomeranian.

PutMe InCharge



Decatur AL livin nt to 4 pits said...

This is about the funniest, coolest, post in all the world. I felt it touch the very bottom of my soul and I laughed so deeply and it felt soooo good. AND IT SAYS SOOO MUCH. WOW !!! AND WOW !!!!!

Miss Margo said...


I saw a Pom on the street the other day and was trying to picture how big its body was underneath its heavy coat. I guesstimate big-chi size.

And the jaws were positively dainty. Probably couldn't mouth a ping-pong ball.

The Pom in the photos is pretty.

Small Survivors said...

HILARIOUS, Putme InCharge! I did a literal LOL!

Are you sure its safe to use? that canine tooth in the bottom photo looks enormous!

Are those break sticks mint flavored?

Your pom is adorable.

Jim Reeve said...

You should include a set of gauntlets or metal covered gloves, just to be on the safe side.

Rumpelstiltskin said...

DO NOT use a Pom Break Stick on any other breed as you could permanently damage them.

DubV said...

This is so clever, I love it. A great post to direct anyone to that brings up the legendary pom fatality.

Your pom looks very nice and well cared for. I've known a few poms and liked their personalities very much.

DubV said...

Jim, I was thinking one of those full chain mail suits they use to dive around sharks! Hey, poms could school up and attack you like a 1,000 piranha, you know.

april 29 said...


scurrilous amateur blogger said...

what a dumb ass. i fixed the photos. i loaded them in order but that of course put them in the reverse order. sorry putme incharge.

i have photos of a piranha victim. i'll look for them. they're freaky.

S.K.Y. said...

If I had been drinking milk while viewing this, it would have been snorted out my nose. Thanks for a great laugh--and in the middle of work, no less. ;-)

I have a Papillon, so I could really use some of those break sticks. However, if all the money is going only to Pom anti-BSL, I can't ethically participate in your breedist fund-raising platform. ;-)

PutMeInCharge4OneDay said...

You guys made my day.

Thanks for posting this and thanks for all the great the comments.

SKY if I added Papillons to the Defense fund would you reconsider?

Anonymous said...

you guys may scoff , but wait till you are on a wait-list for ankle reconstruction surgery . little dogs are way worse than any pit bull ...ask any pea-brained pittophilic unperson.

Dayna said...

That is a killer pom right there! LMAO!

Small Survivors said...

Wait-listed for ankle reconstruction surgery - oh the humanity!

Anne King said...

nothing like a smile and a laugh and some good old fashioned sarcasm to end my day!

Opalina said...

Bless you for the laugh! That pom is so precious! Just look at that cute little wet nose! I wants one! and this:
pea-brained pittophilic unperson


S.K.Y. said...

Putme Incharge,

Sure, we'll happily contribute, even though of course Papillons have never killed anybody and a Pom once did. :-) But of course that was because it was probably owned by a dog-fighting enthusiast and overall irresponsible owner who chained and beat and taunted the Pom into becoming a killer and wasn't even smart enough to have some of your Pom break sticks on hand to deal with the repercussions...

Miss Margo said...

What is with all the nutters crashing the party here the last few days? Has CD been linked somewhere online? Or is it just a coincidence?

Anonymous said...

ive owned both small and large dogs and am appalled by the ignorance of pit bull owners who want to divert the blame and attention from their mutants onto small dogs and their owners. my little dogs are just the sweetest little love-bugs you could ask for , but threaten me and say goodbye to your ankle and lower leg. no , just kidding , as i said ive owned, among others , small dogs for years, and never had a baby devoured or lost someones nose to my small dogs , ever , honest !!. it just sickens me the prejudice and hatred that small dogs endure every day . as a small dog how would you feel if people wouldnt park next to your car or people and their pitbulls crossed the street to avoid being turned into mincemeat? how would your rednosed wiggle-butt pibbles feel to be so callously mistweated?

S.K.Y. said...

Miss Margo,

Which post are the nutters flocking to? On this particular comment string, happily, we are nutter-free! (Only a few of us sarcastically pretending to be killer Pap nutters or whatever...) :-)

Rumpelstiltskin said...

Miss Margo,

The pit nutters got tired of arguing about all the pit bull attacks, whether or not to breed out dog aggression, if pit bull owners should carry break sticks, and if they should take their pit bull to the dog they come here.

Opalina said...

Miss Margo, I bet they come from Facebook. I recognize the tone. They all have that same condescending shrill tone about them.

PutMeInCharge4OneDay said...

I think Miss Margo may be referring to the comments on the blog here on 9/10- "Know your Neighbors"

S.K.Y. said...

Thanks, Putme Incharge,

I checked out those comments. It was just the same pit nutter over and over and over and over again. Plus a bunch of Cravenites attempting in vain to shut her up. :-)

Oops, I forgot that we are not multiple posters, but just one poster under a bunch of different identities. According to the nutter, just one person in the entire world believes pits are dangerous and aggressive... and that woman has apparently created over 50 blogs about it. How clever of her to learn to write in so many different styles. (Go, C.L.!)

Dude, I BaggedYourPit said...

Hahaha! I love it!

I've decided to get a Pomeranian for Schutzhund training. I can use a left over box of pediatric tongue depressors as break sticks, and I've located a supplier for the Pomeranian bite suits pictured here:

DubV said...

Dude's linked picture is the final straw. LOL

Illinois Pitbull Attacks said...

Pomeranian schutzhund bite suits. ROFL!!!!

PutMeInCharge4OneDay said...

A Pom schutzhund suit, I think that is something I should have!!!!!

Ok guys now that you brought that up, it made me think of one of my favorite Youtube videos.

If this does not put a smile on your face and instill a fear of small dogs- because you all know they bite more then pitbulls- nothing will

S.K.Y. said...

Love the bite suit!

Actually, while in Turkey, I discovered that the only titling obedience-style competition that my Papillon was eligible for was the newly-separated-sport of schutzhund "bitework-only." (FCI obedience and schutzhund normally have an obedience component where the dog has to retrieve a 6 lb. dumbbell over a 39" jump, which is impossible for a 9 lb. and 11" dog.)

My Pap has AMAZINGLY high toy and tug drive, and is very pit-like in his ability to grab a toy, hang on, and even stay hanging while I hold the toy up in the air with him dangling. Thankfully for humanity, he loves all humans and dogs, and only has 1/2" long canines anyway. I decided to pursue Schutzhund bite-work with him, but soon after locating a school, I moved back to the U.S. However, I did manage to find this video of a Min Pin that was trained by a serious schutzhund/ring-sport competitor. Here is a video of it doing the highest level of Mondio-Ring bite-work: I corresponded with the Italian owner, and sadly, the dog died before the "bite-work" part of the sport became a separate titling event. He could never compete because of the "6 lb. dumbbell requirement."

I still think it is really cool that this guy put years of training into a dog that he knew could never compete, even though he also has bigger dogs that he was actively competing with.

For those not familiar with the sport, aggressive dogs are not needed or even desired. It is totally a very controlled game of "tug" with very precise rules. At some points, the dog has to tug the sleeve and release the sleeve based on owner commands. But in some situations, the dog is expected to (or "allowed to"!) over-ride the owner. For instance, if the owner's back is turned and the "criminal-in-custody" starts to run away or act aggressively, they are supposed to bite the sleeve without waiting for a command.

DubV said...

Thanks SKY for the video. Very well trained and smart little dog, amusing to watch the little guy go at it with all his might.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

that bite suit is hysterical.

i loved watching those little dogs do protection work too.

Anonymous said...

pit nutters should stop being so ignorant , to blame little dogs for being aggressive and dangerous . its the owners who determine how a dog is , how its raised and treated. little dogs must all have been mistreated , abused and been made mean . no dog wants to ankle-bite!!! also its the owners responsibility how a dog is and what it does , so dont blame the little ankle-biter. safety is everyones responsibility , so if a vicious ankle biter comes outa nowhere and demolishes your lower leg , well you shoulda been not doing whatever you were doing at the time. lol.

Anonymous said...

pit-nutters !!! STOP being so ignorant about breeds other than your own chosen "MASTER BREED". before you judge a pomeranian , a dashund or a nasty jack russell terriorist, get to know one first!! you might come away with your ankles intact and a new appreciation of ankle-biters. who knows , you might even sell your mutant to the local scum-bag drug dealer and get a bat-eared chihuahua as an attack / guard , hahahaha , the joke being on him cuz your mutant was a wimp anyway . lol.

Anonymous said...

i figure chihuahuas are pitbulls that were born without growth hormone.that explains why pitters always have a chihuahua as back- up mutant and why chico is such a nasty little fellow.

Miss Margo said...

Sharon: Thanks for that video--the dog's skills were impressive. The Europop electronica soundtrack kinda cracked me up, too. Everyone looked like they were having a great time.

Is a min-pin REALLY a mini doberman...? Never mind, I'll look it up.

I swear, I must have seen five Pomeranians today. Since this blog post, I'm more aware of them, so they seem to be everywhere.

I saw a few grippers on my walk home from work too, unfortunately. :(

Have a good weekend, everyone!

scorched earth said...


Thanks for the LOL comments!!!

Opalina said...

Thanks for sharing those videos. Awesome stuff. You've all educated me about shutzhund and the ATT, and it is great to actually see it in action. What is the purpose of the whip/stick? Why do they pat the bad guys down? Do you think a pittie would let go at one little "hut?" :

I've loved this blog post. It's so nice to see that precious little pom everytime I come, at the top of the page. He gets cuter and cuter! Now I'd like to share something hilarious:

Miss Margo said...

I forgot which thread was the Ceasar Milan thread, so I'll post this here.

Check out this Dog Whisperer episode. Otherwise sane nutters in beautiful house, own transparently violent pit bull who, they admit, "Tries to kill people" and must be constantly muzzled.

Milan "rehabs" dog.

Pass me the xanax.!

Anonymous said...

the dog whisperer found his niche in the subculture of scum and dumb .

S.K.Y. said...


I'm no expert on Schutzhund or Mondio Ring, but have read a bit about them and will try to answer:

> What is the purpose of the whip/stick?

The dog is never struck with it. It's just used to flail around and make noise with. It's a test of "bravery." They are basically trying to weed out dogs that are biting out of fear aggression rather than confident "tug drive." If the dog leaves the sleeve to either attack the whip or turns tail and runs, both would be fails.

> Why do they pat the bad guys down?

These sports are a sort of standardized "police dog" test. The complete test has the dog locate the suspect (behind a hut), hold him there by barking, then grab him if he tries to escape. He then has to back off and let his owner (the "police officer") escort the bad guy to the patrol car. Along the way, he pats down the "bad guy." At some point, the bad guy may try to escape or will attack the "officer." At that point, the dog is supposed to go for the sleeve again.

In the British version, which I competed in with my Jack Russell, there is a really difficult test that weeds out truly aggressive dogs. At the high levels, the dog will be charged at and "attacked" multiple times by a whip-wielding "bad guy." After he has bitten the guys arm into submission, that part of the test ends. Then the guy takes off his sleeve, and the dog comes over to him for petting, hugs and kisses. They may even get into the back seat of a car together to be driven off the test field. And of course, the dog has to be totally non-aggressive.

I think in the original tests, dogs were probably truly aggressive. However, now it is much more "sport-like" and favors friendly dogs with a lot of tug drive. In the UK, the main dogs used for this sport are Border Collies, not classic protection breeds.

Anonymous said...

that pom should be on youtube with the caption..... "vicious ankle-biter needs breakstick to foil attack"

pitters the world over would be going hahahahahah thats so clever , maybe i could do that with pibbles.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

"subculture of scum and dumb"

good one snarky.

this might be my favorite milan episode. maybe number 2, but definitely one or the other. classic milan lion tamer. i'd like to see cesar approach this mutant, squat down next to mutant without a muzzle during the intro. now that's what i call reality tv.

i love the fence these two dingbats erected. and that nice round fighting pit in the foyer. notice how the red headed narcissist throws her hair back to showcase her boobs for the cameraman? this episode has it all.

and then daddy is brought in to model "good" pit bull behavior. i thought that's what the brindle mutant was doing? milan finishes with a how-to on the proper way to violate the leash law. good stuff.

but seriously, i think these two politically correct nutters (i can't save the world but i can save this one mutant), are the most dangerous kind of pit bull owners. what they need is a good and proper mauling before that thing hurts a neighbor or a stray cat.

cesar and NG ought to do "where are they now" follow up episodes. i predict that ugly brindle dog will one day redirect on mrs and mrs when they try to shove, tap or kick him when he's in the red zone.

does anyone have the link to my other fave, the yuppie hetero animal rights kook couple in cali whose mutant starts a fight on camera? more candidates for a good and proper mauling.

Miss Margo said...

"i'd like to see cesar approach this mutant, squat down next to mutant without a muzzle during the intro. now that's what i call reality tv."

LOL Dawn!

See, Dawn, you got a grip on this couple before I did. The first time I watch this episode, I sat there blinking at these women like they were from Mars. Their devotion to this dog, and the things they were saying--"He's stalking them! He has a lovely heart! He's scared of everything! He tries to kill people!"--were totally dumbfounding to me. I mean, they have nice normal dogs that they have to protect. The pit is ruining their quality of life. I bet they have lost friends over this (I sure as hell wouldn't want to come over for a BBQ). Their neighbors have to resent and fear this animal. And it's a legal liability--that is a really nice house, those women must be educated, they must be conscious of lawsuits. So I was blinking at the screen, thinking: WTF is motivating these people? Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth?

After reading your comment, Dawn, I went back and re-watched the first part. And there you have it: childish defiance--"They say he can't be rehabilitated. I want to prove them wrong!" (why? Why do you want to prove them wrong? Who the hell do you think you are, Galileo?) and, yeah, dingbattery. Deep emotional immaturity.

Surely that dog cannot still be alive. There is just no way.

S.K.Y. said...

Finally had a chance to watch the Milan video that Miss Margo linked to. That guy should be held criminally negligent for NOT recommending euthanasia. His quick-fix will be good for maybe a week, and I guarantee that dog will return to being worse than ever.

I worked with aggression cases for many years. If I saw a dog that was at this level, I would certainly have recommended euthanasia.

As a side note, I can see why the previous owners left it behind. According to Sue Sternberg, shelter owner and behavior expert, there is very often a good reason that people abandon dogs or leave them chained up in yards (from the dog being "cold" and wanting nothing to do with humans; to outright aggression). Of course, occasional friendly dogs are abandoned, but it is much more likely that the owners will at least take the friendly dog to a shelter.

BTW, how can Milan get away with violating leash laws on national TV? Can't we report him to the local authorities--we have video of the owners allowing an ultra-aggressive pit bull with a bite record to walk only "leashed to another pit bull" and to walk completely unmuzzled and off-leash. Maybe they avoid this problem by not using real names of people or places (or omitting the name of the city).

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

here it is. one of my two favorites.

monica justin and trinity

notice cesar says "that could be a problem" when the two mutant slip into the zone, ie the reptilian stare and that stiff posture with stiff wagging tail.

no shit sherlock!

fucking idiots! all three of them.

enters the nutter commentary (as dogsbitedecatur says)

pitbullrescue nutters have the last word and of course, it's a doozy.

Miss Margo said...

True story:

Remember Robert Shapiro's Social Tees Animal Rescue here in NYC...?

Well, yesterday I learned that one of my co-workers moved to my neighborhood recently. We were talking about neighborhood spots.

Co-worker says: "When I heard that Jess wanted to adopt a dog, I told her to go to Social Tees! I volunteer there. There are a lot of good dogs there. The guy who runs it really cares about dogs and he is ALWAYS GETTING NEW ONES COMING IN FROM DOWN SOUTH!"


"NYC puts tons of dogs to sleep at the shelters already. Do you think it's responsible of Social Tees to introduce more dogs into the community from out-of-state?" I asked her. I should have said "pit bull" but I didn't want to give her an excuse to write off my point.

"But he's finding homes for them," she said, completely missing the point.

This happened yesterday around 5 PM.

Animal Uncontrol said...

If I encountered a pit bull that behaved in that manner, rather than call Cesar, I would call This Guy.

Miss Margo said...



Two months of rehab and the dog flips out the minute the owners show up...and then does it again a little bit later!

It's like if your kid gets out of jail and you're all full of hopeful happy feelings, and then you get a call from the cops 48 hours later telling you that he's been picked up for drug possession AGAIN.

I am kind of surprised that the production team didn't can this episode. I mean, talk about egg on Cesar's face.

But then again, it's business and people like drama on TV.

Are all the dogs on that ranch really Cesar's? I don't get it. How can you have a meaningful relationship with that many dogs? Do they live outside? At least they keep each other company, but what's the point of having them?

Miss Margo said...

AU: good stuff. I like this one, too

Excellent shooting, Officer! I'm also glad to see that the ACO didn't get mauled.

Does anyone--DubV?--know why the dog gets so stiff when it's shot? I've seen the same thing in a few videos. Do all mammals do it in sudden traumatic death?

The person who titled this video is a total jerk. Yeah, I bet he would have faced down those charging athletic acrobat maulers. Can you imagine being attacked by THREE of them?

Don't read the video comments either. It'll give you a brain hemmorage.

OK enough procrastination. I need to go back to the laundry mat. The clothes won't dry & fold themselves.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

re: train wreck, yeah. there is a little something to all that jazz "it's the owner".

these fucktards have same sex pit bulls that they just refuse to crate and rotate. they want their little world to reflect the unicorns, rainbows and gumdrops in their puny brains. seriously, these people are more dangerous than the drug dealer nutters.

brain hemorrhage. yep. "pittie was only playing."

some pretty fancy footwork on the part of the ACO.

here's another excellent shooting example in texas

Garnet said...

God damn, why were there so many pit bulls running around Cesar's ranch like that? No wonder they started fighting.

He thought he could stop a pit bull fight by making that irritating "scht" noise. Yeah, that's going to do it. Good Lord.

Trying to rehabilitatee that pit bull "Buddy" was some champion level stupidity andn negligence. That dog is fully capable of killing someone.

Opalina said...

S.K.Y. thanks so much for the info! Makes it all that more interesting to watch. And I have to wonder how well pits do at the bite tests. I just can't imagine a pit letting go at one sound.

As for Cesar, I have not watched his show, but I've got to make the time to watch the episodes described here. I know I've said it before, that I used to be all cotton-candy eyed about dogs, but now, older and wiser and far more realistic, I would have no remorse at all in putting down a dog that had the aggression issues described. Why even bother? why take the chance? And I can't imagine being so dog-centric that I would rearrange my whole life in order to crate and rotate. Nutz!

Rhea said...

LOL that's funny!

Here's what I think is funny:
Wehn its a pit its the deed not the breed. Its the owner's fault etc

When its a pom or a chi its the breed

And chis cant do a quarter of the damage a pit can do.

A pit can do SOOOO much damage with just one bite ask my husband. He didn't get a full blown attack. He got a "nip" from a pitbull and that was more than our chi did when it was p.o'd and acting aggressively.

Rhea said...

Miss Margo,
In regards to the Cesar video you posted with "Buddy"
I fear that his techniques will lead to the pitbull later ending up on the news for either eating one of the women in the home (and we'll all be enlightened later by pitbulls that the owner had a seizure)
or a neighbor.