Saturday, July 27, 2013

ledy's legacy

LEDY VANKAVAGE wielded her pit nutter sword at the ASPCA for 9 years and 4 months. and what do they have to show for it?

this is the story of SPIKE, an ASPCA "staff favorite". (staff favorite is code for no one wants him because he scares the hell out of potential adopters who do not suffer from hybristophilia or apotemnophilia.)

At the ASPCA, Spike is a staff favorite. Everyone’s had a chance to fall in love with him because he’s been with us for nearly two years—longer than any other dog currently in our care. Spike came to us through our Humane Law Enforcement department in 2011. Back then, Spike was emaciated and undersocialized, afraid of most new people and things.

"came to us through humane law enforcement" is code for unknown history. "emaciated and undersocialized" is a red flag for a pity scam. beware of attempts to manipulate your emotions.

Naturally, as soon as he was medically ready, our behavior counselors set to work socializing this special guy. They took him to new places, like the park and on busy streets. They introduced him to many volunteers so he could learn how great people can be. Before long, Spike blossomed into a dog who couldn’t wait to shower his favorite staffers with kisses.

"favorite staffers" is code for people selective.

Behavior counselors also taught Spike basic manners, and he eagerly showed us how smart he is, learning Sit and Drop It very quickly. Due to chronic lung disease, Spike needed an inhaler for a time, and he shocked behavior counselors with how fast he learned to use it. (Today, Spike no longer requires an inhaler.) Late last year, Spike became eligible for adoption. He’s been waiting for his family ever since.

if SPIKE learned sit and drop it so quickly, why haven't they taught him more? 

So what gives? Why hasn’t Spike found a home? (We ask ourselves these questions all the time.) He’s shy with new people, and sometimes when Spike sees adopters through the glass of his habitat, he barks his unique, hoarse-sounding bark at them. Understandably, that can make some people feel unwelcome and move along to other dogs.

SPIKE is "shy" so he barks at "new" people and they feel unwelcome. hmmm... maybe the people looking to adopt know more about dogs than the idiots at the ASPCA? shy dogs don't bark, they cower and don't make eye contact.

It’s a shame those folks miss out on Spike, though. He’d so like to get to know them better—just slowly. That’s why we’re asking you to share Spike with all your social networks. Together we have the power to write Spike’s happy ending. What are you waiting for? 
"folks" is code for gullible morons. it's a shame that a gullible moron hasn't walked into the ASPCA and snatched up this accident waiting to happen.

Spike would love a teens-and-up home. He loves to play with other dogs, but can play a bit rough, so a resident dog would need to be up for that.

"plays rough with other dogs" is code for dog aggressive. after almost TWO years at the ASPCA, they taught him to sit, drop it and a magic trick we'll show you later, he is now ready for his furever home. time to pull out all of the stops and aggressively pimp SPIKE.

SPIKE is a 2 yr old brindle APBT (one of those dogs that doesn't exist and no one can identify.)
Big fan of: You! Spike is super affectionate and social. He loves to play with people and with other dogs (though he may play a bit too rough for the dog park), and he enjoys getting lots of running exercise.

Not a fan of: Unusual people and objects. Spike gets a little scared and barks at them to try to keep them away.

Special features: Spike already knows Sit and makes a great pupil. Check out a video he made with his best bud earlier this year, and you’ll see why he’s a staff favorite.

Other reasons he’s special: Spike came to us through Humane Law Enforcement and, for legal reasons, had to wait a long time to become available for adoption. That means that he’s been in our care since September 2011! This guy loves his friends at the ASPCA, but he’d like to go home ASAP.

Dream home: Spike would thrive with an energetic person who will take him running or play with him in a yard every day. (Not into running yourself? No biggie. Just toss him a toy or ball from your park bench and Spike will obligingly bring it back to you.) Be prepared to train this guy, and you’ll have an amazing dog on your hands! Teens and up, please.
so, to recap and to translate into a language that everyone can comprehend, SPIKE is uncontrollably affectionate towards YOU, as long as YOU are not "unusual" and don't possess any "unusual" objects. SPIKE loves to play rough with other dogs, all good pit bulls do, so stay away from the dog park. SPIKE loves to be taught, he is just not fond of learning. SPIKE is the perfect project for just the right rescue angel who possesses that never say die american spirit. be prepared to spend the next 2 years teaching him the "down" command. SPIKE is typical of the APBT, in that he needs to run 5 miles a day. oh, you're a lazy fat ass? no problem! just take him to the park, plant your ass on the bench with your laptop. you can be a pit bull warrior while you throw the ball.
***please remember to sweep the perimeter for UNUSUAL people and objects first.

Tracey Allyn Hess stated "I would like to adopt Spike!" which was followed by a rhapsody of "your'e awesome" "yaaay tracey" and a dozen "bless you".
kumbaya sing for pibble, kumbaya pibble is crying, kumbaya pray for pibble, kumbaya pibble is dying...
blech. it's time to throw up in my mouth again as all of the "awesome" people gather round for a cyber group hug.

of course SPIKE is on facebook. more photos of SPIKE and rescue angels oohing and aahing can be found HERE

and 375  "awes"  "i'd take him but..."  "i want him!!!"  "poor baby!!!"  "please find him a furever home!"  "ME TOO!"  "i love you spike!"  "BLESS THE ASPCA!!!!!!!"  "prayers for spike"  "so sad please open your heart to this doggie!!!" and lots and lots of emoticons. it's enough to make you sick. why do so many people feel compelled to clog up the page with this nonsense? or do they think their collective well wishes will magically find him a home? in my mind and i suspect anyone not under the influence of pitter koolaid, the bigger the fuss, the more desperate they appear, the more desperate they appear the more likely they are hiding something. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." but seriously, is there an ASPCA groupie capable of actually reading his profile and understanding the shit load of trouble SPIKE brings? EVERYTHING a critically thinking person needs to know is right there!

it's been almost 2 years and no one wants the pitdog with an unknown history, who is not a fan of unusual people or objects, barks at strangers, needs to run 5 miles a day in order to cuddle at night and plays too rough with other dogs. the ASPCA in all of their infinite wisdom and dog expertise brainstormed to jazz up SPIKE'S curb appeal. no tutus for SPIKE, he likely put a serious dent in the ASPCA pibble wardrobe playing too rough with them. instead they start an aggressive spread the word campaign to move his brindled wiggle brute outta there. so after a year in the shelter/rescue system, some dipshit came up with the bright idea to emphasize SPIKE'S einsteinian brain.

prepare to be wowed.

ooh... aaah... wow... ahmaaaazing... NOT!

all normal dogs, and i do literally mean ALL normal dogs AND puppies can do this, WITHOUT being taught. they are BORN with this ability. in fact, any normal dog can do this without pointing. normal dogs can do this just by watching the person's eyes look at the cup. don't believe me? click on Dogs Decoded. click on part 2. it is towards the beginning.


april 29 said...

Holy cow, Spike can find the treat when he is shown exactly where it is... and he can chew it and swallow it all on his own.

Never would have believed a dog could have this skill until I saw it with my own eyes.

Sign me up for Spike!

Earth to ASPCA, when so much time and effort has been expended on a single dog and he remains in the shelter for TWO YEARS taking up valuable space and resources, this should tell you something.

SadFalada said...

Actually Spike is code for it's real name....Phineas P. Gage.

SadFalada said...

What is significant about how fast Spike learned to use an it like a hookah? Scuba gear? A first kiss with braces? The lead musician in a jug-band? The hot-pizza reverse whistle? They need to be more specific so Blessed Spike can find his forever dive....

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

oh sadfalada, i am your biggest fan.

i wasn't sure if that inhaler story was even true. i thought it might be some padding for their elaborate excuse as to why his bark scares people. but if it is true, maybe he accidentally discovered its benefits while trying to maul it. who knows, maybe he is from a line of pit dogs know for their "wind".

SadFalada said...

Jet-propelled, perhaps? It is ON!!

Anonymous said...

I love the P-nutter translations. I have one of my own.
Nutter: Educate yourself!
Translation: I don't like the facts!

This is more proof, as if any was needed, of why animal rescue is a cesspool of fuckups and a black hole of money. Two years for one mess of a dog that's going to cause a bigger mess when it's running free in an unsuspecting suburban neighborhood. I just hope when it goes gripper it mauls the hand that feeds it and not some neighbor's kid.

orangedog said...

If he's such a staff favorite why doesn't one of them take him?
That's about all we need to know. Remember that other staff favorite, Apollo?

And a big facepalm for the shell game. A dog would have to be blind and missing that giant olfactory thing on its face to screw up - or be completely retarded:

orangedog said...

LOL, I knew I should have watched the whole video before posting! Tell me that isn't exactly like the Hyperbole and a Half post about her "simple" dog - right down to pointing out where the treat is!
So after 2 years he can find a treat under a cup that the handler is tapping on. I haven't read the comments. Please tell me no one is impressed by that...

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

"If he's such a staff favorite why doesn't one of them take him?"

cuz they have dogs they'd rather not see tore up by spike. his profile states that any dogs in the household must be able to withstand his rough play style.

SadFalada said...

At 10 months old, my poodle opened the fridge door, took out an unopened pkg of cheese, opened it, ate most, and in a moment of consideration, brought the remainder to me, in bed, where I was sleeping in--didn't coach him in any part of it, of course, and the first part was smart, the second part not so smart--but it was all his own idea, which is probably the real indicator of intelligence--that scene with the pit is a leetle embarrassing, but how
much do they need to know, other than whether an object is alive or not?

tropical storms said...

Yeah I'll bet a lot of people who are barked at by Spike find him off putting. I'd be one of them. I think Spike is a really bad risk looking for a place to land. But hey, that's just me.

S.K.Y. said...

Dawn, excellent and accurate reading between the lines about this mauling-waiting-to-happen.

What makes me extra mad is that dogs like this are coddled, assigned "behavior specialists" and allowed to lounge behind the front desk for 2 years, when tons of totally SWEET and problem-free dogs are euthanized.

Nobody wants to adopt the problem-free dogs, of which there are LOADS in shelters. Instead, they love to read about, dream about, and sometimes actually ADOPT the dogs with the "troubled past," the baggage, the emotional backstory, the "evil" former owners who left him to starve when they moved away.

There's a Turkish animal rights group that spends $10,000's of dollars per animal fixing up cats that are blind, deaf, paralyzed, unable to smell (has to be tube fed), and incontinent... and boarding them with a vet for a year until they can find an idiot to adopt it. The same money could have been used to spay/neuter/vaccinate over 100 street cats or dogs, thereby preventing the birth of 10,000's of future street cats and kittens. But spay/neuter campaigns aren't as "sexy" as rescuing a hopeless case, and the rescue groups know it.

When I worked as an adoption counselor at a shelter, I took hours with each dog getting to know them in a variety of situations. The really good dogs got a special "star" rating and a description like: "Annie is a friendly dog who loves men, women, kids, cats and other dogs. She walks well on a leash and is house-broken. She is playful but well-mannered when playing with kids and other pets. She enjoys retrieving balls and going on car rides."

NOBODY would even look at these descriptions, much less consider the dogs. (Which were overwhelmingly black). As I've mentioned here before, 99% of adopters at shelters zoom right over to the white dog with brown spots (or sometimes black spots) and say "I'll take that one," even if it is cowering in a corner... or barking at them... or drags them on leash... or has no interest in them whatsoever and won't even approach for petting during the meet & greet.

Since pits come in lots of colors, including spots, I fear that many people are adopting them over friendlier/safer dogs in more boring colors like solid black or brown.

People should remember the old adage that "a good horse is never a bad color."

orangedog said...

That pit has been taking up space for 2 years while they try to find a sucker to take him. And when he's inevitably "set to fail" because his new owner leaves the toilet seat up - or has an "unusual" guest over - the ASPCA will blame the adopter/sucker and ignore the carnage. I can't believe rescues haven't been sued for this crap yet.

Small Survivors said...

"SPIKE loves to be taught, he is just not fond of learning." My favorite line!

I also hate that these defective dogs are kept alive while sweet dogs are put down.

Miss Margo said...

"Help us write (Spike's) happy ending!" says the title of the ASPCA blog post...

I hope this doesn't offend anyone...but...a "happy ending" is what happens at "sensual massage" parlors.

And this piece is one big jerkoff for Spike and the shelter dingbats who authorized his warehousing's egos.

Also, I noticed this on Spike's other "Adoptable Dogs" page (here:

"Other reasons he’s special: Spike came to us through Humane Law Enforcement and, for legal reasons, had to wait a long time to become available for adoption. That means that he’s been in our care since September 2011!"

"For legal reasons..."?! What the heck does THAT mean? Was he involved in a court case? What?

Two years in a shelter! That's another thing...unless this is a truly state-of-the-art modern facility with all the bells and whistles, isn't it kinda cruel to keep a dog in a cage for two years? It's like being in JAIL. I think I read somewhere that being in a shelter for an extended period can induce neurotic or psychotic symptoms in dogs.

After others pointed it out, I noticed that the trainer in the video tapped on the cup with treats, too. Wowzers. What impressed me much, much more was that Spike actually kept his ass on the ground the entire time.

SKY: So, "Black Dog" stigma is real? Really? I'll defer to your expertise, but I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want a black dog. My last dog was black with white toes and she was pretty.

PutMeInCharge4OneDay said...

"Not a fan of: Unusual people and objects. Spike gets a little scared and barks at them to try to keep them away."

Was I the one who flashed immediately to the video from China where the man is killed by the pit bull after trying to take "unusual object" he saw on the street away from him?

Anonymous said...

its a good pittie that mauls the hand that feeds it . cuz its always the owner not the dog.

Anonymous said...

i do get black (pit)dog stigma , although the right rescue dingbat would prefer black / brindle for its darker connotations . my god, white mutants can be ugly : that gross deformed maggot pit that craven exposed to the light of day from the bowels of hell.

Anonymous said...

It's like being in JAIL.-Exactly where pit bulls, the psychopath of the canine world, belong. Or in the ground.

Anonymous said...

yeah , i hate those facebook dingbats who ohh and ahh and simper over ugly fucking mutants . make me wish their own mutants would turn jackal on them at their computers.

Anonymous said...

some of those dingbat pittiphiles are seriously deranged , lusting after bad boy perpetrators behind bars . should stick to nerds and beagles . not as exciting but much safer and practical in the long run.

tropical storms said...

S.K.Y. your observations on the use of donation dollars is spot on. These people who dump all their donations on high dollar high need cases has kept me away from local H.S. groups. Most than have (initially) wanted to get me involved change their horrified little minds when they hear what I have to say. The focus needs to be on prevention of cruelty fueled by over population and prosecution of cases as they arise. Those who are "special needs" really should be euthanized in favor of healthy, happy Adoptable animals.

Anonymous said...

i imagine ted bundy had a few dingbats , sitting at home crying and wringing their hands in front of the tv, when bundy fried .

Anonymous said...

spay and neuter has worked fabulously , now we should start saving killer mutants ? crazy spca idiots.

Anonymous said...

The people on this blog make David Sedaris seem boring. XOXO Dawn and Company, you are not only sane, you're hilariously sane.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

anon, finding humor in this nightmare is required in order to maintain your sanity.

the black dog phenomenon has always puzzled me. i like black dogs when black is packaged in the shape of a normal dog. labs, dobermans and GSD are okay while rottenweilers and other bulky, ugly headed things are not. not a fan of brindle. white dogs with blue eyes absolutely not. too many recessive traits.

this is a dog i would adopt. natural shaped head/muzzle is a must as are soft eyes. that reptilian stare just begs for a bullet.

oh miss margo, i wish i would have thought of that "happy ending", i would have included it! it would one fit in nicely with one of my hobbies: creepy fur mommies. i have been collecting some disturbing borderline erotic images of women and their pit bulls. like catherine hedges.

these nutters give me the willies.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

orangedog, i don't understand why no one has been sued over this yet either. the ASPCA would be a good first choice to test these waters due to their DEEP POCKETS

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

i just released quite a few comments from the spam folder for the it's not you it's not me it's the guy behind the tree blog post.

if you don't see your comment show up, you need to send me an email. i don't monitor comments that closely.

Anonymous said...

Clearly only a very intelligent dog could do this.

If this is the skill level of this shelter's so called trainers, then a first grader could work there.

They should teach this dog a real trick like play dead--only using a real gun.

DubV said...

It's been brought up here before by others, but it seems many nutters and potential adopters are wanting to be part of one of these

A lot of people are not aware of the influence their emotions can have on their more rational mind and aren't on guard for this, that's my only explanation for why someone would avoid a black dog or want a dog with issues. I can better understand taking the problem dog if no other dogs were available, the dog wasn't able to kill you, and you were literally its only hope. That might tug at the heart strings enough, but zeroing in on those cases is pure nutter.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

dubv, you hit the nail on the head. there is some fascinating research being done on how emotions effect decision making. one such researcher is social psychologist jennifer lerner. she has found that people in a sad state will pay more money for items than people not in a sad state. and she has found that people in an angry state take more risks. think about those rescue nutters promoting a "save this abused mutant" campaign. and then the nutters who adopt the sad stories and angrily force them down society's throat.

these rescue freaks (ALL of them, not just pit nutters) know EXACTLY what they are doing when they pimp these sad stories of abuse and neglect.

many normal well adjusted people will also get swept away in the emotional sob stories but it is the over emotional unhunged nutters who are completely ruled by their emotions who throw themselves into the cause. remember hal, the invisible man? he called me various nasty names and said of himself "i have more heart than you ever will." basically, he is admitting that he is incapable of logic and cold reason.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...


i think this is the most important stage for nutter: The Meeting With the Goddess

This is the point when the person experiences a love that has the power and significance of the all-powerful, all encompassing, unconditional love that a fortunate infant may experience with his or her mother. This is a very important step in the process and is often represented by the person finding the other person that he or she loves most completely.

this reminds me of a pit nutter talking about her switch from labs to mutants. her lab (in her mind) loved only food and his ball, he lived for food and his ball, while the mutants lived for her. this was before my epiphany. i remember thinking to myself , "that's not a healthy love".

Miss Margo said...


The dog in the link you posted is definitely charming!

I've been researching Salukis recently (I like sighthounds) and I think that they are drop-dead gorgeous...but I also hear that they are kinda dumb and difficult to train.

If anyone has any personal knowledge of Salukis and their breed personality, I'd very much appreciate any feedback. I'm thinking of fostering one. Thanks bunches.

tropical storms said...

Miss Margo, unfortunately alcohol Salukis and Afghan hounds are about as bright as akc Irish Setters. The working versions are still smart enough. Training them isn't really the issue, they can learn well, it's just that they're no more likely to obey than a cat. They are also a lot of work in the grooming department. I think fostering is a great idea, you'll learn more from a dog than any human advice.

tropical storms said...

I don't know how in hell browser interpreted "akc" as "alcohol".

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

auto correct does some strange things.

get your info from a saluki rescue site. i find rescues to be a more accurate source of breed information. and like TS stated, fostering is a good way to learn too.

SadFalada said...

I knew an Afghan hound present at an SCA gathering (Society for Creative Anachronism, ye non nerds) that they were trying to rehome, as after over 2 years, she still wasn't housetrained- but oh, she was pretty, with long, center-parted ash-blond wavy hair, cocoa brown face and streaked ears--she had slanted almond eyes, dark, and a delightful, prehensile looking whippy tail (sigh), a dog who traded on her looks, because before long, she had overimbibed on homemade mead, spit-roasted chicken and mystery cookies and lolled around smiling vacantly, as were we all... sorry, appropo of nothing, just a happy memory of a particular sighthound...!

Unknown said...

Most sight hounds are considered "dumb", but that's because I think the AKC breeders that breed solely for looks have overbred them and dumbed them down, but the true working lines are not dumb dogs.

Properly bred working sight hounds are intelligent dogs, but they can be aloof, independent, and catlike, which is often mistaken for dumb and difficult to train. It's just a matter of knowing the breed and adjusting your training style to work with them.

Saluki's are amazing dogs, I highly recommend looking into the breed.

Miss Margo said...

Thanks for the input!

Branwyne Finch said...

LOL, Spike seems like a winner, indeed. Dumb, unfriendly, with a whisky annoying raspy bark. Can't imagine why adopters aren't lining up.....

Not sure if any of you have read Gavin DeBecker's books, but he is a specialist in security and risk assessment for politicians and celebrities. He writes about how to prevent becoming a victim of violent crime, and wrote a book called "The Gift of Fear". He explains that we are born with instincts that tell us what to be afraid of, yet most of us have learned to ignore our inner voice because of accepted social mores. We don't want to embarrass ourselves, or seem rude, to strangers. But if a stranger is giving you the creeps, you should probably listen to your gut and remove yourself from the situation. Our unconscious mind often picks up on subtle cues quickly, things our conscious mind isn't even aware of...a sound, a look, etc. It's a primitive survival mechanism, and it can save our lives if we pay attention.

I think this is what happens with a lot of these unadoptable dogs. Adopters are creeped out by them, the dogs don't connect to humans in a healthy way, and without even being able to explain why, adopters don't want them. I think they alternately scare people, or give off a vibe that makes people instinctively know "this is not a safe dog". These are the types of dogs that don't offer any social gestures, no soft eye contact, are aloof, unfriendly, or even show signs of being aggressive.

To see the desperation of the ASPCA in anthropomorphizing this dog, and fabricating silly explanations for his shitty behavior is just amazing. I wouldn't give this organization a dime.

Packhorse said...

I was visiting family over the weekend, and watched their trashy neighbors tie pittie outside while their young kids ran, screeched, and played in a plastic pool. This pittie is the second one they've had in as many years. The child/spouse abusing neighbors next to THEM also had a pittie before they moved.

You just know this is an accident waiting to happen.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

i've read the Gift of Fear. very good book.

Your Quiet Neighbor said...

Let's see here...

...a pit bull that barks at anything it perceives as unusual. No wonder it hasn't been adopted. In addition to being a pit bull, who wants to listen to all that noise?

Kiyote said...

If Spike was the winner, I'd hate to see the runners-up.

vintage said...

All these pieces they come up with are attempts to shift society's perceptions as to what is acceptable canine temperament and safety....The Nutters just lap this stuff up.

Meanwhile, another pit owner was killed in Panama this month.

This compilation is getting extremely long. Please check it out if you have a few days.

*You Can't Make This Stuff Up!

Anonymous said...

Oh. My.

Just watched the video of Spike's Amazing Trick.


You'd have to be dumber than Spike to think that's amazing.

Maybe I've been confused about humane organizations all along. Perhaps they're actually charities for "differently abled" humans?

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

"Maybe I've been confused about humane organizations all along. Perhaps they're actually charities for "differently abled" humans? "


SadFalada said...

Oh, if only the video producer could've obtained the rights to "Dueling Banjos", you would have had both Art and Social Commentary of the highest order...

SadFalada said...

Also, what is up with the latex gloves and plastic apron? "Nothing up my sleeve!"? or..."This is what all Pavlonian Behaviorists wear In The Laboratory" or..."I have hovered over this food trick so long, the food has developed deadly green mold..."
Well...time for lunch!

Anonymous said...

what is up with the latex gloves and plastic apron?

Well, that's for all the slobber you deal with from the pitties who just want to lick you to death and, uh, for cleaning up the occasional "yard accident".

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

what is up with the latex gloves and plastic apron?

yes, what is up with that plastic garb?

SadFalada said...

Eeeeeeeeek!! Hey, I think I've heard about that......Safe Sex?

Dayna said...

I'm not saying anything you all have not said already, but the first thing that always strikes me about Spike and the others like him is what a COLOSSAL waste of time and money. All this while nice normal dogs are being euthanized. It just doesn't make sense.

scurrilous amateur blogger said...

agreed dayna.

recently i became aware of a blog dedicated to the rampaging bay area frankenmauler named CHARLIE and his con artist owner DAVID GIZZARELLI. a recent blog post broke down how the money wasted on this hideous mutant could have been better spent. it is truly sickening.

everything you could possibly want to know about CHARLIE and the freakshow of flotsam and jetsam (including CINDY MARABITO'S on going role in the scandal) surrounding him can be found at the real charlie story.

it's a great read.

Dayna said...

Thanks Dawn, I've been sort of following that story, but have had to pare down my reading a bit as we've put our house on the market and are in process of trying to move! Better schools and less pits in our future! Whoo hooo!