master of ceremonies: vintage
starring: gripping dogs and the miscreants who breed & promote them
sponsors: dogsbitedecatural.com, american association of plastic surgeons, euthasol and glock
vintage kicked off the festivities by introducing the nanny dog and then the week long celebration launched with a big bang - a 12 gun salute and fatal mauling in new haven connecticut. a crowd gathered round as a "pit bull" beheaded an old mutt being walked by a disabled senior citizen. the police responded. when the first two rounds failed to interrupt the little gripper, the police unloaded on it.
a mobile alabama, woman was attacked by a pack of 5 dogs. a dog had a hold of each limb but the "bull dog" got the award for delivering the courageous bite.
a nanny dog met a pitch fork when it bit a 2 year old boy in lancaster, pennsylvania.
a darwin honorable mention goes to an uninsured judgement proof 27 year old man in cody, wyoming. his american bulldog (raised from a puppy and great with kids) broke his arm, a finger, a toe and put 60 holes in his space suit when he tried to escort his loving family member from the room. the nutter gave the green light to the police to turn PLUTO'S lights out :(
a 9 year old girl witnessed a pit bull grab her pomeranian and kill it at her brother's soccer game in roswell, new mexico. pit nutters fail to realize that every time they set their pittie up to fail, a dozen haters are born.
two strikes your out in syracuse, new york. both dog and human arrested!!
a 9 year old boy was bitten by a pit bull and a GSD in oklahoma city. dog owner charged.
a bronx new york nanny dog opened up the face of a 3 year old boy like a can opener. this took place in a playground where dogs are not allowed. the boy is now afraid of his own dog. cesar milan has offered to flood the boy and cure his fear.
taylorsville, utah - NANNY DOG!!! no license, no insurance and the dead beat nutters are off the hook while the 8 year old girl's parents scrounge up the cash for plastic surgery.
dirt nappin in roanoke, virginia - a pit bull already under quarantine for a dog bite, got loose and bit a cop. bang bang
no more pit bulls - PLEASE! nanny dog continues to work her magic in laveen, arizona
a yorkie was killed during a routine walk in new albany, indiana.
west palm beach, florida rampage - 2 women, 2 cats.
the fight of the century was held in windsor, ontario - AMBULL V BEAGLE - a lot of money was wagered on this one. everyone thought the beagle would win but in a surprise ending, the gripper prevailed.
in cary, illinois a second attack on a couple and their dog proved fatal for the poor misunderstood wiggle butt.
sssshhhhh... wilmington, north carolina - a boxer bit a toddler in the face. (don't tell karen this was reported in the news, we don't want to burst her bubble!)
in las cruces, new mexico, a man saved his dog from 2 marauding pit bulls with his pocket knife, stabbing them 60-70 times. he went home and got his gun and shot towards them. in a surprise twist, they were microchipped AND vaccinated! the owner turned them over for dirt naps (that's right, 60-70 stab wounds didn't kill them) and he was charged.
Hero Wolf, a normal dog put his life on the line protecting 3 kids from 3 thug dogs in wagoner county, oklahoma. Wolf's owner said this is not the first time he has been attacked and plans to sue. the sheriff gave him the thumbs up to shoot if they threaten him.
a 9 year old girl was attacked by a pit bull while sitting on her porch. "scarred for the rest of her life" in lafayette, indiana thanks to a gate left open accidentally. owner given a second chance at redemption.
a pensacola florida jury awarded $643,257 to a 2008 victim of a vicious pit bull attack.
apparently the site of a group of toddlers in a stroller sent nanny into the red zone in west allis, wisconsin.
a mountain home, arkansas fur mommy was charged with child endangerment for the april attack of her dog on her child. the fur mommy lied on the adoption form. she checked NO children in order to get a pit bull from a shelter with a policy against adopting out pits to homes with kids.
special highlights from the inbred mutants who made it all possible.
TRAVIS "Hooters" HAMME and his flying pit bull ZEUS wowed the crowd with ZEUS' death defying leap from a second story window, WITHOUT A NET!!! to attack a well loved pet labrador being walked by a teenager. afterwards there was a demonstration of his super duper chain bustin strength. the chesterfield county, virginia animal control immediately followed up with an equally impressive magic show called CITATIONS: NOW YOU SEE 'EM, OH NO YOU DON'T!
(melissa, i know the system let you down, but this fucktard owns his own business. go for it!)
pin the blame on the victim pasadena, maryland was the site of a pit bull attack on a 9 year old riding his bike. after the man seized the mutant, the human mutants granted an interview to news reporters. while PIT BULL BREEDER DONNA HELMS spoke rapidly and non stop in an animated fashion blaming the boy for her dog's teeth in his flesh, her son JASON HELMS had the opposite problem. he spoke in slo-mo trying desperately to string a few incriminating syllables together. he stated that he used a baseball bat to get the pit to release the boy, that's the way he breaks up dog fights.
yes, WATCH THE VIDEO two or three times!
of course, i saved the best for last.
st paul, minnesota aka northern appalachia and the home of BIG JOE'S PRESAS .
BLUE the presa canario bit SHERRIE AUBIN'S 18 month old granddaughter. BLUE had been declared dangerous after biting SHERRIE AUBIN'S grandson - TWICE! at the time of the most recent attack, BLUE had been declared dangerous and SHERRIE AUBIN was appealing. someone, somehow had an epiphany and decided it is time to cut their losses with BLUE, probably concerned they will be next.
ever wonder what kind of neanderthal breeds presa canarios?
meet JOE AUBIN...
"What we're witnessing, Scully, is undiluted animal behavior. Mankind, absent its own creation of civilization, technology and information, regressed to an almost prehistoric state, obeying... only the often savage laws of nature." Fox Mulder
i want to introduce the AUBINS to the BAILIES. i think a little genetic diversity (but not too much) might be a good thing.
SPECIAL THANKS TO
DOGS BITE DECATUR AL!